Hello friends!
It has been a while since I last updated this blog. Gosh - so much has happened! So many changes, but all for the better. I wanted to let you all know that due to these changes, I have started another blog, where I will be focusing my activity. I am happy to announce that I am going to become a mommy in March! I am incredibly excited, so I want to share that new chapter with you in the form of a new blog. There I will not only share baby and family updates, but also what is currently relevant in my life; my hobbies, opinions (on probably less controversial topics hehe), what I am passionate about and the occasional review, DIY or tutorial. I find the new blog a bit more fitting now, so I will be posting there exclusively. I will be keeping this blog around for the time being, but if you'd like to keep up with me, check out my new blog!
http://sahmiam13.blogspot.com/
Hope you are all doing well. See you over there!
- Elle-Belle
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Monday, April 8, 2013
Tombstone
So as most of you know, in October, Mike and I moved into our first apartment. Not only did we have more space and a place of our own, but we got to have Mike's cats back, who had been living with his sister for a number of years. At the same time, I adopted Tombstone, one of her cats. I swear, this cat has been such a blessing. I have always loved cats - man this guy just took to me. I don't know what it was, but we immediately bonded. He snuggles with me and he will complain when he can't sit on the bed with me when I am typing away at my computer. He will meow for hours until I get home from work and when I am home, he follows me everywhere. Having him around has brought me so much joy, that I felt the need to dedicate a post to him and post some of my favorite pictures. :)
Welcome 2013...4 months late xD
Hi friends! So one of my many New Year's resolutions was to get back into blogging. It is now April 8th and I haven't blogged once yet this year, so so much for that plan. xD The reason I am actually taking time to sit down and write, is because I am sick and have lost my voice, so this is the only way I can communicate at the moment!
Back when I left off in November, I was talking about my job hunt. It turns out that two days later, I went in for a job interview at Hobby Lobby, and was hired on the spot! I was just hired on as a seasonal part-timer, but after the season, I was one of the few employees who was chosen to stay. In the beginning, they made it clear that it was basically up to me whether or not I'd be kept or not. If I did a good job, I'd stay, if I slacked off, I'd be let go after the season - simple as that. I really like working at Hobby Lobby. I can't say I am a huge fan of retail, because dealing with unfriendly and rude customers constantly tends to take my mood down from a +50 to a -10, but my coworkers and managers are all very friendly, cool people who are very easy to get along with. I have been at Hobby Lobby for a little over 4 months now.
I can't say for sure where I will be in a year - maybe even half a year. All I know is that if I don't take it one day at a time, I will eventually drive myself up the wall. So I am just playing it by ear. Mike will be graduating with his Associates in May and we will just have to see where we go from there. Who knows where we will end up!
On February 10th, my brother moved here to Farmington to go to school. So he has been living with us for nearly two months now. My dad came with him for a week to help him get settled in, then headed back home for work. Even though the visit was very short, it was wonderful to get to see my Dad. My brother is currently taking GED classes in order to get his diploma and start college in the fall. As of today, he is working at Advantage Dodge as a mechanic. Dodge will put him through the auto mechanics program at the college while he works - pretty good deal. So right now, I feel a bit like a parent; driving him around, buying groceries and cooking and teaching him how to drive, but it sure is nice to have my brother around, especially with my parents living half a world away.
I have pretty much gotten my anxiety under control. I occasionally have a bad morning and struggle with panic attacks, but it's not near as bad as it was last spring. I have come a very long way and I can truly say that I am happy with where I am at. :)
I am strongly leaning towards cosmetology, but I haven't completely tossed the idea of teaching. That's why I just want to work for the time being - so that I can give myself some time to decide. It really helps that I am working right now anyway, since I am currently our only source of income. And poor Mike's lousy paycheck is barely enough to cover a week's worth of gas - maybe too if they give him enough hours.
Hmm....other than that...not too much is new! I am still trying to paint a pair of shoes a week for Peach's Neet Feet (the job and extra responsibilities have taken some of my spare time from me) and I am also trying to paint a little on the side, just to keep my creativity going, now that I am no longer in school. I've also been trying to pick up the guitar more often, but I need to slowly get my calluses back! I also need to replace my bow so that I can start playing violin again. :) Well, now I am just babbling. xD
Hope you all are doing well! I hope you all are enjoying the beginning of spring!
Elle-Belle
Monday, November 26, 2012
Decisions, decisions...
Oh man. I have been so TERRIBLE about keeping up with my blog - it's ridiculous! I have a very long New Years resolutions list going already and it's not even December yet. xD
Anyway - lots of changes going on at the moment. I dropped my classes a few weeks back because I was so overwhelmed. I found myself hating my classes. I wasn't attending class regularly or doing my homework. So I decided to withdraw from them and work for a little while until Mike graduates in May. We are so broke all the time, it makes us both crazy. I hate having to scrape together pennies at the end of the month to pay my insurance etc. Besides, I think it will give me some time to figure out what it is that I want to do for a living.
I applied for a job at Sears Portrait Studio, because I love photography and I knew they would teach me how to pose, but it turns out my photography skills are irrelevant; as long as I know how to sell. That kind of defeats the purpose of photography for me. I was called into an interview and it sounded like I was hired, but she said she needed to get the go-ahead from her boss to take the time off to train me in sales. I called a week later after hearing nothing and they said that they may not be able to hire anyone because it's so slow this season. Don't know if that's true or not, but whatever. I also put in an application at Hobby Lobby and at Sally Beauty Supply. The manager at Sally's said that the district manager would be in on Tuesday (tomorrow) and most likely want to interview me. She said she would call me that day. I am HOPING to get a call! I'd really like to work - it's been nice having a little time off to paint more shoes for Peach's Neet Feet, but other than that, I don't want to be sitting around on my butt. Mike and I really need the money.
I've looked at my options and what I am interested in. When I was little, I wanted to be a teacher. I would set my dolls up on my bed, pull out my chalkboard/easel and play school. I loved the thought of helping kids learn, grading papers and using stickers xD I helped my cousin teach her 1st grade class for a day last year and I LOVED it! Those kids had so much character. They all came up to me, gave me hugs and had the most interesting things to say! I adore children. So I've considered studying to become an elementary school teacher.
A few years back, I did an internship at the opera where my Dad sang (Gaertnerplatz Theater Munich) and had the most fun in makeup. I sat down and made a mask with clay completely from scratch with no knowledge or any idea what I was doing. They liked it so much that they ended up using it for one of the operas! My dad's girlfriend observed that I had natural talent, but at the time I really wasn't interested in doing it professionally. The past few years though, I have spend hours and hours in my free time watching makeup tutorials, nail tutorials and experimenting on my own. I love it! I actually did someone's nails for 30 bucks a session a few times because I had taught myself how to do professional nail art. I watched closely when I had my nails done and thought: "Hey, I can do this easy". So I practiced over and over on paper, fake nails and my own nails until I could paint equally well with both hands. I have also bleached and dyed my own hair and others's hair all sorts of different colors with decent success and little practice. The only area I have no experience with is hair cutting. I'd love to learn. My fiance's sister studied cosmetology and let me borrow her book - I spent all last night flipping through it and actually found it sort of exciting! xD
I won't know for a bit 100% what it is that I want to do (for now! haha), but I have a little time. It could be that in the end after my decision, I end up doing something completely different again, but that's okay. I've thought of even getting a degree in everything so that I could just pick and choose xD But I would be in school for a long time and I don't know if I want to do that.
Well, I should get off my blog and back to my life. But I figured I would drop a line or a hundred :) Cross your fingers for me tomorrow!! I hope I get that job...I need it!
Elle-Belle
Anyway - lots of changes going on at the moment. I dropped my classes a few weeks back because I was so overwhelmed. I found myself hating my classes. I wasn't attending class regularly or doing my homework. So I decided to withdraw from them and work for a little while until Mike graduates in May. We are so broke all the time, it makes us both crazy. I hate having to scrape together pennies at the end of the month to pay my insurance etc. Besides, I think it will give me some time to figure out what it is that I want to do for a living.
I applied for a job at Sears Portrait Studio, because I love photography and I knew they would teach me how to pose, but it turns out my photography skills are irrelevant; as long as I know how to sell. That kind of defeats the purpose of photography for me. I was called into an interview and it sounded like I was hired, but she said she needed to get the go-ahead from her boss to take the time off to train me in sales. I called a week later after hearing nothing and they said that they may not be able to hire anyone because it's so slow this season. Don't know if that's true or not, but whatever. I also put in an application at Hobby Lobby and at Sally Beauty Supply. The manager at Sally's said that the district manager would be in on Tuesday (tomorrow) and most likely want to interview me. She said she would call me that day. I am HOPING to get a call! I'd really like to work - it's been nice having a little time off to paint more shoes for Peach's Neet Feet, but other than that, I don't want to be sitting around on my butt. Mike and I really need the money.
I've looked at my options and what I am interested in. When I was little, I wanted to be a teacher. I would set my dolls up on my bed, pull out my chalkboard/easel and play school. I loved the thought of helping kids learn, grading papers and using stickers xD I helped my cousin teach her 1st grade class for a day last year and I LOVED it! Those kids had so much character. They all came up to me, gave me hugs and had the most interesting things to say! I adore children. So I've considered studying to become an elementary school teacher.
A few years back, I did an internship at the opera where my Dad sang (Gaertnerplatz Theater Munich) and had the most fun in makeup. I sat down and made a mask with clay completely from scratch with no knowledge or any idea what I was doing. They liked it so much that they ended up using it for one of the operas! My dad's girlfriend observed that I had natural talent, but at the time I really wasn't interested in doing it professionally. The past few years though, I have spend hours and hours in my free time watching makeup tutorials, nail tutorials and experimenting on my own. I love it! I actually did someone's nails for 30 bucks a session a few times because I had taught myself how to do professional nail art. I watched closely when I had my nails done and thought: "Hey, I can do this easy". So I practiced over and over on paper, fake nails and my own nails until I could paint equally well with both hands. I have also bleached and dyed my own hair and others's hair all sorts of different colors with decent success and little practice. The only area I have no experience with is hair cutting. I'd love to learn. My fiance's sister studied cosmetology and let me borrow her book - I spent all last night flipping through it and actually found it sort of exciting! xD
I won't know for a bit 100% what it is that I want to do (for now! haha), but I have a little time. It could be that in the end after my decision, I end up doing something completely different again, but that's okay. I've thought of even getting a degree in everything so that I could just pick and choose xD But I would be in school for a long time and I don't know if I want to do that.
Well, I should get off my blog and back to my life. But I figured I would drop a line or a hundred :) Cross your fingers for me tomorrow!! I hope I get that job...I need it!
Elle-Belle
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Lessons
This has indeed been a very eventful summer...well not eventful in the way most people would assume (vacations etc.), but eventful. Picture this: you are a pretty social person. You enjoy going out, meeting with people, seeing movies and just interacting with people in general. Then one day, just seeing people triggers an awful panic attack that hits you like an 18 wheeler. You are in the grocery store and suddenly feel nausea and begin to hyperventilate. You hear ringing in your ears, you begin to see a bunch of colorful spots and know that if you don't sit down, you are going to faint in front of a bunch of people, be sick or both. Yes. This happened to me.
The first time was actually during my first shoe delivery, that I posted about in my last entry, below. I was feeling perfectly fine, until we were about to leave. I had felt this way before in the first months of starting college, but never this strongly. It was the most horrible feeling I've ever had - I felt like I was going to be sick and for me, nausea is the worst feeling. I'd rather someone beat me up or fall down a flight of stairs and break a bone than feel nauseous. I'm not even kidding. I still went to deliver the shoes. When we first got there, I hid in the bathroom for several minutes until I finally had the courage to see all of those kids. When it was time for me to give Luke his shoes, I was having a full-blown silent panic attack and I was so ashamed and embarrassed, that I fought with all my might to hide the way I was feeling, with success. I had been looking forward to this, too! I was going to try and put his shoes on for him and everything, but it was all I could do to not be sick. I had no idea why I was feeling this way - I've sung in front of crowds of people, held speeches, danced in front of a crowd and all sorts of craziness and never felt this way. I don't get anxious like this - this was a task I should have been able to take on with no second thought! But it was so difficult for me. And I LOVE kids!
Later on in the evening, Mike and I tried to go to Walmart, and again. ANOTHER panic attack. Smack out of the blue, too! I was doing just fine, and the nausea just hit me for no reason. I was in the bathroom for what seemed like the longest time, afraid of the cashier! And I didn't even see who it was or anything - I was just deathly afraid of paying for the items. I couldn't even begin to explain how I was feeling, let alone why. We went through the drive thru for the coffee I had been wanting all day, and I began to panic again! I had a terrible night. I even called my mom at 2 AM which had to have been very early for her, but I had to talk to her. I felt like a small child. I was afraid of everything - everything triggered panic and it got to the point where I was afraid to be alive and conscious.
I was supposed to go to my friend's surprise graduation party, which I helped plan, but I couldn't even manage to get out of the bed. I couldn't drink, I couldn't eat and I couldn't sleep. Trying to sleep was like coming home from a long night at the club, incredibly drunk, shutting of the light and trying to sleep, but some jerk keeps turning the room on you. I couldn't even doze off without the nausea waking me up. So I stayed in bed all day with my aunt and uncle's dog. I tried to watch shows on my computer and could barely even do that without feeling nauseous. Everything made me feel just sick.
The anxiety didn't get any better. The only way I could think to describe it, was that I was afraid of people and that didn't even make sense. When I looked it up, I stumbled across "Agoraphobia", which is a social anxiety disorder that I had never heard of. The same night I looked it up, I wanted to try to go to the store, but couldn't work up the courage. I experienced such anger and self-loathing, that I had an incident that put me in the E.R. and left me staying the night at the hospital in the behavioral health unit under observation. I was scared to death of the hospital and was terrified of staying the night, especially in the psych ward, where I had some rough memories from my childhood.
I went home the next day and got on some anxiety medication and anti-depressants. I was diagnosed with agoraphobia and again diagnosed with depression, which didn't surprise me. When I went on the medication, I made a decision, which I failed to do the last time I had gone on medication. I was NOT going to let these feelings and my situation take over my life and dominate everything in it. I was going to fight this and let myself heal this summer. I was going to slowly force myself to get back into society and get rid of this roadblock called agoraphobia.
So I did. I slowly started making myself leave the house. In the beginning, it was torture...I had doctor's appointments that I almost arrived late to, because I was too scared to leave the house. I began with making myself go through the drive through. Just riding shotgun. I got myself used to that until I felt completely comfortable. Then I went to Mike's mom's work, where I knew people. My close friend from Illinois came to visit my for my 21st birthday for a surprise visit. I spent most of the time indoors with her, which she luckily didn't seem to mind. The day she had to go back, I forced myself to go along for the 3 hour drive to the airport in Albuquerque. No panic attack. :) The next day, I went to Target to get scrapbooking supplies. No panic attack! About a week later, I tried my luck again at Walmart. No Panic Attack!! I bit later, I was even able to make it to the mall! By the 1st of July, I was finally driving on my own again, which made me feel so wonderful! I've been getting better and better every day.
It wouldn't have been possible without the loving and kind support of friends, family and soon to be family! Mike and I came up with a code word and a plan if I had a panic attack. If I said the word, he would start talking to me about something random, just to keep my mind off of things. And it worked every single time. :) Just about a week ago, I was able to go to a restaurant again and be okay with people watching me eat. It was IHOP and we were in a closed off section of the restaurant in privacy, but I was still pretty proud of myself. xD
I am slowly getting of the anti anxiety medication and I am hoping that by the end of August when school starts off, I will be either close to or completely off of it. In May, I seriously thought I was going to have to cancel my classes and stay inside for the rest of my life. Now, I am fully confident that I am going to be okay!!
The crazy thing is that I have never been a very confident or positive person. I've always been a bit of an Eeyore; a the-glass-is-half-empty type of person. But not anymore. I am so extremely proud of myself for getting through this! There are still tough days for sure, and occasionally, I will experience panic, but I am doing so much better. I didn't allow myself to feel sorry for myself and fall into a deeper spiral into depression, which I usually would have done. I even got myself to quit smoking this summer, which was a HUGE step. This summer I have learned one of the most important lessons I think a person can learn - if you truly believe in something and fight for it, and most importantly, believe in yourself, ANYTHING is possible. And in the end, it's easier to fight for the good instead of giving in to the bad. I am so grateful for all the wonderful people in my life and thankful every day that it's just anxiety and depression I struggle with, and not anything life-threatening! Seeing the children I paint shoes for has given me so much to think about. Every time I paint a ribbon on those shoes, I think about what those kids have to go through EVERY DAY. They are fighting for their lives and can't just decide to do something about it. Their fate lies in the hands of this terrible illness and there is nothing they can do but pray to God that they will make it through this. Working with PNF reminds me to be grateful for everything I have in my life and taking nothing and no one for granted. EVER. Every day I wake up, I force myself to look around me and be thankful for what I have.
You probably wonder why I am writing all this personal crap on a blog. Truthfully, the reason I want to share this, is to share the fact that there is HOPE! You just have to keep fighting and not give in to the easy way out. Life can be so hard sometimes, but if it were not, how would we learn and how would anything in our lives have meaning? Enjoy every single day you live as if it were your last. Be thankful for the things you have, because there is always someone out there who has it much worse than you and STILL finds a way to be thankful for what they have. Be strong, be hopeful, be optimistic and NEVER, EVER give up.
- Elle-Belle
The first time was actually during my first shoe delivery, that I posted about in my last entry, below. I was feeling perfectly fine, until we were about to leave. I had felt this way before in the first months of starting college, but never this strongly. It was the most horrible feeling I've ever had - I felt like I was going to be sick and for me, nausea is the worst feeling. I'd rather someone beat me up or fall down a flight of stairs and break a bone than feel nauseous. I'm not even kidding. I still went to deliver the shoes. When we first got there, I hid in the bathroom for several minutes until I finally had the courage to see all of those kids. When it was time for me to give Luke his shoes, I was having a full-blown silent panic attack and I was so ashamed and embarrassed, that I fought with all my might to hide the way I was feeling, with success. I had been looking forward to this, too! I was going to try and put his shoes on for him and everything, but it was all I could do to not be sick. I had no idea why I was feeling this way - I've sung in front of crowds of people, held speeches, danced in front of a crowd and all sorts of craziness and never felt this way. I don't get anxious like this - this was a task I should have been able to take on with no second thought! But it was so difficult for me. And I LOVE kids!
Later on in the evening, Mike and I tried to go to Walmart, and again. ANOTHER panic attack. Smack out of the blue, too! I was doing just fine, and the nausea just hit me for no reason. I was in the bathroom for what seemed like the longest time, afraid of the cashier! And I didn't even see who it was or anything - I was just deathly afraid of paying for the items. I couldn't even begin to explain how I was feeling, let alone why. We went through the drive thru for the coffee I had been wanting all day, and I began to panic again! I had a terrible night. I even called my mom at 2 AM which had to have been very early for her, but I had to talk to her. I felt like a small child. I was afraid of everything - everything triggered panic and it got to the point where I was afraid to be alive and conscious.
I was supposed to go to my friend's surprise graduation party, which I helped plan, but I couldn't even manage to get out of the bed. I couldn't drink, I couldn't eat and I couldn't sleep. Trying to sleep was like coming home from a long night at the club, incredibly drunk, shutting of the light and trying to sleep, but some jerk keeps turning the room on you. I couldn't even doze off without the nausea waking me up. So I stayed in bed all day with my aunt and uncle's dog. I tried to watch shows on my computer and could barely even do that without feeling nauseous. Everything made me feel just sick.
The anxiety didn't get any better. The only way I could think to describe it, was that I was afraid of people and that didn't even make sense. When I looked it up, I stumbled across "Agoraphobia", which is a social anxiety disorder that I had never heard of. The same night I looked it up, I wanted to try to go to the store, but couldn't work up the courage. I experienced such anger and self-loathing, that I had an incident that put me in the E.R. and left me staying the night at the hospital in the behavioral health unit under observation. I was scared to death of the hospital and was terrified of staying the night, especially in the psych ward, where I had some rough memories from my childhood.
I went home the next day and got on some anxiety medication and anti-depressants. I was diagnosed with agoraphobia and again diagnosed with depression, which didn't surprise me. When I went on the medication, I made a decision, which I failed to do the last time I had gone on medication. I was NOT going to let these feelings and my situation take over my life and dominate everything in it. I was going to fight this and let myself heal this summer. I was going to slowly force myself to get back into society and get rid of this roadblock called agoraphobia.
So I did. I slowly started making myself leave the house. In the beginning, it was torture...I had doctor's appointments that I almost arrived late to, because I was too scared to leave the house. I began with making myself go through the drive through. Just riding shotgun. I got myself used to that until I felt completely comfortable. Then I went to Mike's mom's work, where I knew people. My close friend from Illinois came to visit my for my 21st birthday for a surprise visit. I spent most of the time indoors with her, which she luckily didn't seem to mind. The day she had to go back, I forced myself to go along for the 3 hour drive to the airport in Albuquerque. No panic attack. :) The next day, I went to Target to get scrapbooking supplies. No panic attack! About a week later, I tried my luck again at Walmart. No Panic Attack!! I bit later, I was even able to make it to the mall! By the 1st of July, I was finally driving on my own again, which made me feel so wonderful! I've been getting better and better every day.
It wouldn't have been possible without the loving and kind support of friends, family and soon to be family! Mike and I came up with a code word and a plan if I had a panic attack. If I said the word, he would start talking to me about something random, just to keep my mind off of things. And it worked every single time. :) Just about a week ago, I was able to go to a restaurant again and be okay with people watching me eat. It was IHOP and we were in a closed off section of the restaurant in privacy, but I was still pretty proud of myself. xD
I am slowly getting of the anti anxiety medication and I am hoping that by the end of August when school starts off, I will be either close to or completely off of it. In May, I seriously thought I was going to have to cancel my classes and stay inside for the rest of my life. Now, I am fully confident that I am going to be okay!!
The crazy thing is that I have never been a very confident or positive person. I've always been a bit of an Eeyore; a the-glass-is-half-empty type of person. But not anymore. I am so extremely proud of myself for getting through this! There are still tough days for sure, and occasionally, I will experience panic, but I am doing so much better. I didn't allow myself to feel sorry for myself and fall into a deeper spiral into depression, which I usually would have done. I even got myself to quit smoking this summer, which was a HUGE step. This summer I have learned one of the most important lessons I think a person can learn - if you truly believe in something and fight for it, and most importantly, believe in yourself, ANYTHING is possible. And in the end, it's easier to fight for the good instead of giving in to the bad. I am so grateful for all the wonderful people in my life and thankful every day that it's just anxiety and depression I struggle with, and not anything life-threatening! Seeing the children I paint shoes for has given me so much to think about. Every time I paint a ribbon on those shoes, I think about what those kids have to go through EVERY DAY. They are fighting for their lives and can't just decide to do something about it. Their fate lies in the hands of this terrible illness and there is nothing they can do but pray to God that they will make it through this. Working with PNF reminds me to be grateful for everything I have in my life and taking nothing and no one for granted. EVER. Every day I wake up, I force myself to look around me and be thankful for what I have.
You probably wonder why I am writing all this personal crap on a blog. Truthfully, the reason I want to share this, is to share the fact that there is HOPE! You just have to keep fighting and not give in to the easy way out. Life can be so hard sometimes, but if it were not, how would we learn and how would anything in our lives have meaning? Enjoy every single day you live as if it were your last. Be thankful for the things you have, because there is always someone out there who has it much worse than you and STILL finds a way to be thankful for what they have. Be strong, be hopeful, be optimistic and NEVER, EVER give up.
- Elle-Belle
Monday, May 14, 2012
My first PNF shoe fairy experience!
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| Luke getting his shoes! |
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| He is very shy! |
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| Admiring his Neet Feet! |
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| We were afraid the shoes were a bit too big and he would trip, but no! He took off! :D |
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| Luke and the PNF Crew |
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| Me, Madison Steiner (founder of PNF) and her brother, Corey Smith |
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| Here are Luke's new Neet Feet! |
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Marriage Thoughts
I may ruffle a few feathers with this one, I am sure, but this is a very strong topic that is too important to me to not talk about. Feel free to stop reading whenever you'd like - I will not at all be offended, because I know not everyone shares my beliefs, which I expect nobody to. So please don't be offended by anything I have to say, because I mean no offense and I do not let myself be offended by anything anyone else says that is against my beliefs. The only reason I post this is to give others a chance to take a step in my shoes and see where I'm coming from. I am not at all trying to convert anyone's beliefs. :)
So believe it or not, this whole "rant" was inspired by Jenna Marbles' latest video "My Thoughts On Marriage". I've wanted to voice my opinion on this for a while, but I didn't really know where to begin. That video really stirred up some thoughts and so I will just drop them all here.
I was raised Christian up until I was around 14 when my parents got divorced and it caused all this senseless drama at our church. You know, the standard: follow the ten commandments, don't have sex before marriage etc. After that, my beliefs were changed drastically. I won't go deeply into those beliefs, because they are really nobody's business but my own and I do not feel it's appropriate to discuss them here. After being surrounded by so many people (not all, but some), who had this whole mindset that there are "good Christians" and "bad Christians", I really started to feel that the entire "good Christian" behavior was nothing but idiotic and hypocritical. "You have premarital sex! You're a bad Christian." "You are living with your boyfriend and you aren't married? You're a bad Christian and I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore./I am going to do everything in my power to try to convince you that what you're doing is wrong."
Let me put it bluntly, screw that. Come on. Really? Last I heard, it was MY business and MY business only what I do in my personal life. What on earth does that have to do with anyone else? It's nobody's business but mine and my partner's and it's not anyone else's problem, so why should anyone be bothered by it? I'm not doing anything to harm anyone and I'm sure not trying to offend anyone. And it being nobody else's business brings me to another thing:
A lot of people tend to think that "their way" is the only way. "My way or the highway." I'm not directing this at any specific religion or belief. I am talking completely in general. What people in this world tend to lack is tolerance of other people's beliefs and views. In my personal opinion; if I am doing no emotional and physical harm to anyone or anything, why does it matter what I do? People will say things like: "You two aren't married, so you can't move in together. That's the wrong way." Excuse me. Wrong way for whom? "Do it right! Get married first!" In my personal opinion, that is the wrong way. Why on earth would I get married to somebody I haven't had the chance to live with? The whole reason people live together before getting married is because they either:
1. Have a commitment that is so strong, that it doesn't require marriage.
2. They are seeing what it is like to live together, to make absolutely sure that marriage is the right thing for them, do avoid divorce (also considered a sin)
3. They don't give a rat's rear end
4. They are doing what they feel is right
5. All of the above or a combination of two or several
They sure aren't moving in together so that they can have sex, because that's something they could do regardless. And staying together for life, having kids and living together is totally possible without marriage. I have a friend, whose parents were never married. They are happy and living together still and their kids are almost adults. They just don't share the same last name and aren't legally considered a couple. What's wrong with that? I admire these people more than married couples who last that long, because they stayed committed to one another without needing the documents to "force" it, if you will. Really, it's just paperwork. I see nothing wrong with it if that's what they want to do!
I personally want to get married, because it's something I've always dreamed of, ever since I was little, even though I didn't openly express it. I want to share a last name with my partner and be legally recognized as married by law. But we want to give it time. My partner and I are engaged, but we don't have a date set yet. Sure, I am young and engaged. But that doesn't mean I am going to get married next month. Or even next year. Or the year after that! Our engagement is a symbolization for us personally that we love each other and we are committed to one another. That is all. We will marry when the time is right, and we can afford to pay for it together, instead of relying on our families, who have already given us so much throughout the years, to pay for it for us.
This being said, brings me to another topic. If my partner and I, a man and a woman, have the right to get married and be seen as a married couple by law, why can't two men or two women have the right to do this? If they love each other, what's the big deal? A lot of people don't see gay relationships as "natural". I see it as completely natural! It's not a "genetic disorder" or any of the other crap people describe it as. It's not anything but this: a person grows up and develops likes and dislikes. Just because a woman grows up being fond of women or a man growing up being fond of a man doesn't make him or her unnatural or a sinner! It would be exactly like someone who likes dark chocolate hating on someone who likes white chocolate. It's the exact same difference and I'm sorry, but that just can't be argued. Nothing is exactly "meant to be". Babies are "supposed to" be born with a head, two legs, two arms, ten fingers, ten toes, two eyes, two ears, one nose and one mouth. What about the babies who are born with no arms or legs? Are they sinners just because they don't fit into what society considers "normal"? Straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, black, white... - why do all of these labels exist? We are all human beings and humans have rights. The fact that rights have to be based off of a person's likes and dislikes and the color of their skin is complete bullshit to me. Period. (I could go off on a rant completely about this topic, but I won't right now.)
I believe we all need to stop judging one another, mind our own businesses, let everyone live their lives and take joy in other peoples' joy instead of taking their joy away from them.
Rant ends here.
- Elle-Belle
So believe it or not, this whole "rant" was inspired by Jenna Marbles' latest video "My Thoughts On Marriage". I've wanted to voice my opinion on this for a while, but I didn't really know where to begin. That video really stirred up some thoughts and so I will just drop them all here.
I was raised Christian up until I was around 14 when my parents got divorced and it caused all this senseless drama at our church. You know, the standard: follow the ten commandments, don't have sex before marriage etc. After that, my beliefs were changed drastically. I won't go deeply into those beliefs, because they are really nobody's business but my own and I do not feel it's appropriate to discuss them here. After being surrounded by so many people (not all, but some), who had this whole mindset that there are "good Christians" and "bad Christians", I really started to feel that the entire "good Christian" behavior was nothing but idiotic and hypocritical. "You have premarital sex! You're a bad Christian." "You are living with your boyfriend and you aren't married? You're a bad Christian and I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore./I am going to do everything in my power to try to convince you that what you're doing is wrong."
Let me put it bluntly, screw that. Come on. Really? Last I heard, it was MY business and MY business only what I do in my personal life. What on earth does that have to do with anyone else? It's nobody's business but mine and my partner's and it's not anyone else's problem, so why should anyone be bothered by it? I'm not doing anything to harm anyone and I'm sure not trying to offend anyone. And it being nobody else's business brings me to another thing:
A lot of people tend to think that "their way" is the only way. "My way or the highway." I'm not directing this at any specific religion or belief. I am talking completely in general. What people in this world tend to lack is tolerance of other people's beliefs and views. In my personal opinion; if I am doing no emotional and physical harm to anyone or anything, why does it matter what I do? People will say things like: "You two aren't married, so you can't move in together. That's the wrong way." Excuse me. Wrong way for whom? "Do it right! Get married first!" In my personal opinion, that is the wrong way. Why on earth would I get married to somebody I haven't had the chance to live with? The whole reason people live together before getting married is because they either:
1. Have a commitment that is so strong, that it doesn't require marriage.
2. They are seeing what it is like to live together, to make absolutely sure that marriage is the right thing for them, do avoid divorce (also considered a sin)
3. They don't give a rat's rear end
4. They are doing what they feel is right
5. All of the above or a combination of two or several
They sure aren't moving in together so that they can have sex, because that's something they could do regardless. And staying together for life, having kids and living together is totally possible without marriage. I have a friend, whose parents were never married. They are happy and living together still and their kids are almost adults. They just don't share the same last name and aren't legally considered a couple. What's wrong with that? I admire these people more than married couples who last that long, because they stayed committed to one another without needing the documents to "force" it, if you will. Really, it's just paperwork. I see nothing wrong with it if that's what they want to do!
I personally want to get married, because it's something I've always dreamed of, ever since I was little, even though I didn't openly express it. I want to share a last name with my partner and be legally recognized as married by law. But we want to give it time. My partner and I are engaged, but we don't have a date set yet. Sure, I am young and engaged. But that doesn't mean I am going to get married next month. Or even next year. Or the year after that! Our engagement is a symbolization for us personally that we love each other and we are committed to one another. That is all. We will marry when the time is right, and we can afford to pay for it together, instead of relying on our families, who have already given us so much throughout the years, to pay for it for us.
This being said, brings me to another topic. If my partner and I, a man and a woman, have the right to get married and be seen as a married couple by law, why can't two men or two women have the right to do this? If they love each other, what's the big deal? A lot of people don't see gay relationships as "natural". I see it as completely natural! It's not a "genetic disorder" or any of the other crap people describe it as. It's not anything but this: a person grows up and develops likes and dislikes. Just because a woman grows up being fond of women or a man growing up being fond of a man doesn't make him or her unnatural or a sinner! It would be exactly like someone who likes dark chocolate hating on someone who likes white chocolate. It's the exact same difference and I'm sorry, but that just can't be argued. Nothing is exactly "meant to be". Babies are "supposed to" be born with a head, two legs, two arms, ten fingers, ten toes, two eyes, two ears, one nose and one mouth. What about the babies who are born with no arms or legs? Are they sinners just because they don't fit into what society considers "normal"? Straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, black, white... - why do all of these labels exist? We are all human beings and humans have rights. The fact that rights have to be based off of a person's likes and dislikes and the color of their skin is complete bullshit to me. Period. (I could go off on a rant completely about this topic, but I won't right now.)
I believe we all need to stop judging one another, mind our own businesses, let everyone live their lives and take joy in other peoples' joy instead of taking their joy away from them.
Rant ends here.
- Elle-Belle
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