Sunday, May 13, 2012

Marriage Thoughts

I may ruffle a few feathers with this one, I am sure, but this is a very strong topic that is too important to me to not talk about. Feel free to stop reading whenever you'd like - I will not at all be offended, because I know not everyone shares my beliefs, which I expect nobody to. So please don't be offended by anything I have to say, because I mean no offense and I do not let myself be offended by anything anyone else says that is against my beliefs. The only reason I post this is to give others a chance to take a step in my shoes and see where I'm coming from. I am not at all trying to convert anyone's beliefs. :)


So believe it or not, this whole "rant" was inspired by Jenna Marbles' latest video "My Thoughts On Marriage". I've wanted to voice my opinion on this for a while, but I didn't really know where to begin. That video really stirred up some thoughts and so I will just drop them all here.


I was raised Christian up until I was around 14 when my parents got divorced and it caused all this senseless drama at our church. You know, the standard: follow the ten commandments, don't have sex before marriage etc. After that, my beliefs were changed drastically. I won't go deeply into those beliefs, because they are really nobody's business but my own and I do not feel it's appropriate to discuss them here. After being surrounded by so many people (not all, but some), who had this whole mindset that there are "good Christians" and "bad Christians", I really started to feel that the entire "good Christian" behavior was nothing but idiotic and hypocritical. "You have premarital sex! You're a bad Christian." "You are living with your boyfriend and you aren't married? You're a bad Christian and I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore./I am going to do everything in my power to try to convince you that what you're doing is wrong."


Let me put it bluntly, screw that. Come on. Really? Last I heard, it was MY business and MY business only what I do in my personal life. What on earth does that have to do with anyone else? It's nobody's business but mine and my partner's and it's not anyone else's problem, so why should anyone be bothered by it? I'm not doing anything to harm anyone and I'm sure not trying to offend anyone. And it being nobody else's business brings me to another thing:


A lot of people tend to think that "their way" is the only way. "My way or the highway." I'm not directing this at any specific religion or belief. I am talking completely in general. What people in this world tend to lack is tolerance of other people's beliefs and views. In my personal opinion; if I am doing no emotional and physical harm to anyone or anything, why does it matter what I do? People will say things like: "You two aren't married, so you can't move in together. That's the wrong way." Excuse me. Wrong way for whom? "Do it right! Get married first!" In my personal opinion, that is the wrong way. Why on earth would I get married to somebody I haven't had the chance to live with? The whole reason people live together before getting married is because they either: 


1. Have a commitment that is so strong, that it doesn't require marriage.
2. They are seeing what it is like to live together, to make absolutely sure that marriage is the right thing for them, do avoid divorce (also considered a sin)
3. They don't give a rat's rear end
4. They are doing what they feel is right 
5. All of the above or a combination of two or several


They sure aren't moving in together so that they can have sex, because that's something they could do regardless. And staying together for life, having kids and living together is totally possible without marriage. I have a friend, whose parents were never married. They are happy and living together still and their kids are almost adults. They just don't share the same last name and aren't legally considered a couple. What's wrong with that? I admire these people more than married couples who last that long, because they stayed committed to one another without needing the documents to "force" it, if you will. Really, it's just paperwork. I see nothing wrong with it if that's what they want to do! 


I personally want to get married, because it's something I've always dreamed of, ever since I was little, even though I didn't openly express it. I want to share a last name with my partner and be legally recognized as married by law. But we want to give it time. My partner and I are engaged, but we don't have a date set yet. Sure, I am young and engaged. But that doesn't mean I am going to get married next month. Or even next year. Or the year after that! Our engagement is a symbolization for us personally that we love each other and we are committed to one another. That is all. We will marry when the time is right, and we can afford to pay for it together, instead of relying on our families, who have already given us so much throughout the years, to pay for it for us. 


This being said, brings me to another topic. If my partner and I, a man and a woman, have the right to get married and be seen as a married couple by law, why can't two men or two women have the right to do this? If they love each other, what's the big deal? A lot of people don't see gay relationships as "natural". I see it as completely natural! It's not a "genetic disorder" or any of the other crap people describe it as. It's not anything but this: a person grows up and develops likes and dislikes. Just because a woman grows up being fond of women or a man growing up being fond of a man doesn't make him or her unnatural or a sinner! It would be exactly like someone who likes dark chocolate hating on someone who likes white chocolate. It's the exact same difference and I'm sorry, but that just can't be argued. Nothing is exactly "meant to be". Babies are "supposed to" be born with a head, two legs, two arms, ten fingers, ten toes, two eyes, two ears, one nose and one mouth. What about the babies who are born with no arms or legs? Are they sinners just because they don't fit into what society considers "normal"? Straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, black, white... - why do all of these labels exist? We are all human beings and humans have rights. The fact that rights have to be based off of a person's likes and dislikes and the color of their skin is complete bullshit to me. Period. (I could go off on a rant completely about this topic, but I won't right now.)


I believe we all need to stop judging one another, mind our own businesses, let everyone live their lives and take joy in other peoples' joy instead of taking their joy away from them.


Rant ends here.


- Elle-Belle

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