It's finally the end of the semester...it has been since Tuesday, but it didn't really hit me until today. While everyone has been partying and enjoying the beginning of summer vacation, I've been shut in my room, dealing with anxiety attacks, too afraid to leave my house. My aunt and mother both think it's because of my lack of sleep and the amount of stress I had to deal with throughout the semester, which is probably the truth. I honestly have had trouble sleeping regularly, because of the nausea and eating regularly as well.
So I've made an agreement with myself that for the next few weeks, I will take on no projects and I won't make any plans. Because when I have an obligation (that's not really the right word...more responsibility or something that is expected of me), I begin to panic. Since I can't have a real vacation because of my lack of money, I am going to do nothing but take bubble baths, read books and watch cheesy movies. Maybe sit in a lawn chair in the yard, do a puzzle...something relaxing that doesn't require any real dedication. If I don't feel like continuing, I will stop and do something else. With scrapbooking and painting, I tend to force myself subconsciously to continue until I am finished, even if I don't finish what I've started until 4 AM. So I will stay away from that for a bit as well.
I also want to get my internal clock set straight again. I've not been going to bed regularly at all. One night it will be at 1, another it will be at 4 AM, sometimes 5, just depending on how I'm feeling and if I can sleep. I'd like to be able to get to bed by 11 and wake up at 10 during the break, which is a huge step for me, since I am not at all a morning person and I could sleep in till...well...mid- to late afternoon unless I am in school or have to work.
So if you know me personally, don't be at all offended or worried if I'm a bit anti-social or don't want to go out anywhere. My mind and body are just both exhausted and need some serious down time!!
- Elle-Belle
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