I am not really your typical American Girl. I really never have been. In 2000, my parents decided to move to Germany for my dad's job, so it was goodbye USA and comfort zone and hello culture shock. I remember shortly after my parents had told me that we were moving to Germany, I looked for a book on Germany in the school library. It was full of pictures of people wearing Dirndl and Lederhosen and spinning on hilltops, like you see on the Sound of Music .
When we moved, I wasn't even sure if there would even be television. You can imagine what that thought would do to a 9-year-old. When we arrived, I was surprised to find that Germany DID have TV...in German of course and people were just as up to date with the latest music hits as the US was. The first month and a half were spent living with colleagues of my Dad's and with people from our new Church, while we searched for our new home. Once we found our apartment, we lived with no furniture but a few mattresses and donations from the church for months until the crate with our American furniture arrived. (You can probably imagine the cartwheels I did when I came home from school to my old furniture.)
Because of my Dad's profession, my brother and I didn't get to attend any of the international schools for free, so we were put into the German school system. The German school system is, to put it bluntly, bullshit. Don't get me wrong, you will get an extremely good education in Germany, especially in Bavaria (The "State" we moved to), but you have to keep at it from first grade till finish. If you mess up in third grade, that could mean that you have a low income job for the rest of your life. And that is not an exaggeration. For those of you, who aren't familiar with the German school system, it is explained in the post directly below this one, (which I would recommend reading right now) so that I don't bore you to death with information you already know.
I had just finished up third grade in the US with fairly good grades. But since I could not speak a word of German and I'd be going into fourth grade, which, if you read the post about the German school systems, is a crucial year. So my parents decided it would be best to hold me back and have me repeat the third grade. Wonderful. But since I had always been the youngest in my class in the states, there would still be students older than me in my new class. I remember the first day of school as if it had been yesterday. I walked into a classroom full of kids speaking a language I didn't know, wearing slippers/house shoes, which I found very odd and staring at me. I remember my teacher standing with me in the front of the room, holding my shoulders and talking to the class in gibberish. When I took my seat, everyone stood up and greeted the teacher with a snappy "Gu-ten-Mor-gen-Frau-War-li-mont!". This was a routine, I was not aware, would follow me until my last year of school in Germany. Luckily, there was a handful of girls in the class happy to show me around, teach me German, introduce me to the culture and generally help me out. Without them, I swear I never would have learned German so quickly! At the end of third grade, I was wearing a borrowed dirndl, which ended up being a gift and playing a part in a play that our class did. I was also in the Orff Schulwerk, an approach to musical education and played xylophone and djimbe, which I enjoyed, especially because of the fact that it didn't require speech. xD
I ended up in the Hauptschule in fifth grade, even though I had the language down. I am not saying that every Hauptschule is like this, but most end up being the school foreigners and kids with rough home lives attend. So I went through a lot of bullying that year, because of my accent and being American. But I worked hard and at the end of the year was recommended to attend a Gymnasium. Since my parents weren't familiar with the area, they took the advice of my principal, who recommended a catholic all girl Gymnasium that was 45 minutes from where we lived. Because of moving schools, I was forced to repeat fifth grade. I lasted two years in the Gymnasium. I struggled in math (which has always been my weakest subject), had issues articulating myself in my German essays and had the most difficult time learning Latin in sixth grade in GERMAN. Besides that, there was the fact that I don't get along with girls very well and was constantly in fights with girls in my class. Needless to say, I ended up going straight to seventh grade in the Realschule. By the time I got to that school, nobody noticed I was American until hearing my accent in English class. I chose the french track because of my heritage. I really wanted to be able to communicate with my Grandmother in her native language. Besides, I found the language beautiful. Unfortunately, this was before the art track was being offered at the school.
I did much better at this school; relationship- and grade-wise. But once I hit eighth grade, a lot of drama in my home started, which caused my school to be neglected. I missed a lot of class and failed several classes, causing me to repeat, for the first time that was actually my fault. So I was in a class with kids between two and three years younger than I was, which was a constant discouragement, which followed me through to tenth grade.
In tenth grade, I was diagnosed with depression and was barely making it through school, being in an even worse state than I was in eighth grade. I failed tenth grade and watched all of my classmates receive their diplomas. This was in 2010. I got a part-time job at a clothing store at the mall in our town and was making minimum wage.
I knew I wasn't happy in Germany and the only further school I had interest in going to was a graphic design school that was 9000 Euros a year (over ten grand) and offered no financial aid to anyone but German citizens. My aunt and uncle had been talking with my Mom and asked if I wanted to come and live with them in New Mexico. Even though my life basically sucked where I was at the time, I still had friends, a band and a relationship that were keeping me there. Not to mention a comfort zone, which I had built up for ten years.
I finally made the decision to leave after looking at all of my educational options. At that point, there was no way in hell I was going back to the Realschule to face another year of failure with little kids laughing at me. So, I packed up my things, booked a flight for 3 weeks from that day and said my goodbyes...and I left.
Another part of the reason I decided to move was because I would be forced to quit the constant partying and do something constructive. I would also be able to afford my driver's license (in Germany it costs 2000 Euros!) and a car AND school with help from financial aid.
The first five months in the States were very difficult. I cut my smoking in half and didn't drink at all. The partying automatically came to an end, since I had no friends to party with. A few months after I moved here, I grabbed a GED book at the bookstore and started studying. I studied for a total of...maybe a few hours. I found it extremely easy compared to what I had been used to. I made the appointment to take my test and got all of them knocked out in two days. I passed with honors and got to take part in my first cap and gown graduation, which I was absolutely thrilled about!
I started my first semester of college in the Spring of 2011 and met a few new people including my boyfriend and currently fiancee. :) I experienced a happy feeling that I had been lacking for so many years, I had completely forgotten how to feel this way. I got a single B that semester and the rest were all A's.
I got my learner's permit in the spring and practiced driving throughout the summer. I had sort of learned how to drive a stick with my Mom in Germany, but I hadn't had much practice and it had been years earlier. My boyfriend and I got engaged in the summer, which seemed quick, but it was what my heart truly wanted. I knew for certain that I had found my soulmate. He is basically me, different gender. In the fall, I started my second semester, got my driver's license and finally my first car; a red Chevy Cavalier, thanks to my awesome cousin. I passed my second semester with a 4.0 GPA, made honor roll and was accepted into the National Society of Leadership and Success.
I am extremely pleased with how far I have come since I moved. Sure, living here has definitely had it's ups and downs, but I am certain, that this is where I am currently meant to be. Don't get me wrong. Not a day goes by that I don't miss my parents, my brother and my close friends. I haven't been back to Germany since my move and am constantly asked when I am coming to visit again. But I don't regret the decision made. If I hadn't made it, I would not be where I am today, would have never met my fiancee and would definitely not be as motivated and confident as I am now.
So why do I say that I am not a typical American Girl? I am a third culture kid...I don't feel American and I don't feel German. I am my own species, if you will. So if you ever speak to me and wonder why I sound like such a martian, this is why. ;)
Thanks for baring with me...I can guarantee this will be my longest post ever. :P
No comments:
Post a Comment