My first PNF shoe fairy experience!

Last Thursday, I delivered my very first pair of Peach's Neet Feet kicks to a 4-year-old fighter named Luke! Even though I was beyond nervous, it was the most wonderful experience and brought so much joy to my heart to see that smile on his adorable face, admiring his new shoes! :) Here are some of the photos:

Luke getting his shoes!

 

He is very shy!

Admiring his Neet Feet!

We were afraid the shoes were a bit too big and he would trip, but no! He took off! :D

Luke and the PNF Crew

Me, Madison Steiner (founder of PNF) and her brother, Corey Smith

Here are Luke's new Neet Feet! 

Marriage Thoughts

I may ruffle a few feathers with this one, I am sure, but this is a very strong topic that is too important to me to not talk about. Feel free to stop reading whenever you'd like - I will not at all be offended, because I know not everyone shares my beliefs, which I expect nobody to. So please don't be offended by anything I have to say, because I mean no offense and I do not let myself be offended by anything anyone else says that is against my beliefs. The only reason I post this is to give others a chance to take a step in my shoes and see where I'm coming from. I am not at all trying to convert anyone's beliefs. :)


So believe it or not, this whole "rant" was inspired by Jenna Marbles' latest video "My Thoughts On Marriage". I've wanted to voice my opinion on this for a while, but I didn't really know where to begin. That video really stirred up some thoughts and so I will just drop them all here.


I was raised Christian up until I was around 14 when my parents got divorced and it caused all this senseless drama at our church. You know, the standard: follow the ten commandments, don't have sex before marriage etc. After that, my beliefs were changed drastically. I won't go deeply into those beliefs, because they are really nobody's business but my own and I do not feel it's appropriate to discuss them here. After being surrounded by so many people (not all, but some), who had this whole mindset that there are "good Christians" and "bad Christians", I really started to feel that the entire "good Christian" behavior was nothing but idiotic and hypocritical. "You have premarital sex! You're a bad Christian." "You are living with your boyfriend and you aren't married? You're a bad Christian and I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore./I am going to do everything in my power to try to convince you that what you're doing is wrong."


Let me put it bluntly, screw that. Come on. Really? Last I heard, it was MY business and MY business only what I do in my personal life. What on earth does that have to do with anyone else? It's nobody's business but mine and my partner's and it's not anyone else's problem, so why should anyone be bothered by it? I'm not doing anything to harm anyone and I'm sure not trying to offend anyone. And it being nobody else's business brings me to another thing:


A lot of people tend to think that "their way" is the only way. "My way or the highway." I'm not directing this at any specific religion or belief. I am talking completely in general. What people in this world tend to lack is tolerance of other people's beliefs and views. In my personal opinion; if I am doing no emotional and physical harm to anyone or anything, why does it matter what I do? People will say things like: "You two aren't married, so you can't move in together. That's the wrong way." Excuse me. Wrong way for whom? "Do it right! Get married first!" In my personal opinion, that is the wrong way. Why on earth would I get married to somebody I haven't had the chance to live with? The whole reason people live together before getting married is because they either: 


1. Have a commitment that is so strong, that it doesn't require marriage.
2. They are seeing what it is like to live together, to make absolutely sure that marriage is the right thing for them, do avoid divorce (also considered a sin)
3. They don't give a rat's rear end
4. They are doing what they feel is right 
5. All of the above or a combination of two or several


They sure aren't moving in together so that they can have sex, because that's something they could do regardless. And staying together for life, having kids and living together is totally possible without marriage. I have a friend, whose parents were never married. They are happy and living together still and their kids are almost adults. They just don't share the same last name and aren't legally considered a couple. What's wrong with that? I admire these people more than married couples who last that long, because they stayed committed to one another without needing the documents to "force" it, if you will. Really, it's just paperwork. I see nothing wrong with it if that's what they want to do! 


I personally want to get married, because it's something I've always dreamed of, ever since I was little, even though I didn't openly express it. I want to share a last name with my partner and be legally recognized as married by law. But we want to give it time. My partner and I are engaged, but we don't have a date set yet. Sure, I am young and engaged. But that doesn't mean I am going to get married next month. Or even next year. Or the year after that! Our engagement is a symbolization for us personally that we love each other and we are committed to one another. That is all. We will marry when the time is right, and we can afford to pay for it together, instead of relying on our families, who have already given us so much throughout the years, to pay for it for us. 


This being said, brings me to another topic. If my partner and I, a man and a woman, have the right to get married and be seen as a married couple by law, why can't two men or two women have the right to do this? If they love each other, what's the big deal? A lot of people don't see gay relationships as "natural". I see it as completely natural! It's not a "genetic disorder" or any of the other crap people describe it as. It's not anything but this: a person grows up and develops likes and dislikes. Just because a woman grows up being fond of women or a man growing up being fond of a man doesn't make him or her unnatural or a sinner! It would be exactly like someone who likes dark chocolate hating on someone who likes white chocolate. It's the exact same difference and I'm sorry, but that just can't be argued. Nothing is exactly "meant to be". Babies are "supposed to" be born with a head, two legs, two arms, ten fingers, ten toes, two eyes, two ears, one nose and one mouth. What about the babies who are born with no arms or legs? Are they sinners just because they don't fit into what society considers "normal"? Straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, black, white... - why do all of these labels exist? We are all human beings and humans have rights. The fact that rights have to be based off of a person's likes and dislikes and the color of their skin is complete bullshit to me. Period. (I could go off on a rant completely about this topic, but I won't right now.)


I believe we all need to stop judging one another, mind our own businesses, let everyone live their lives and take joy in other peoples' joy instead of taking their joy away from them.


Rant ends here.


- Elle-Belle

Semester's End

It's finally the end of the semester...it has been since Tuesday, but it didn't really hit me until today. While everyone has been partying and enjoying the beginning of summer vacation, I've been shut in my room, dealing with anxiety attacks, too afraid to leave my house. My aunt and mother both think it's because of my lack of sleep and the amount of stress I had to deal with throughout the semester, which is probably the truth. I honestly have had trouble sleeping regularly, because of the nausea and eating regularly as well. 

So I've made an agreement with myself that for the next few weeks, I will take on no projects and I won't make any plans. Because when I have an obligation (that's not really the right word...more responsibility or something that is expected of me), I begin to panic. Since I can't have a real vacation because of my lack of money, I am going to do nothing but take bubble baths, read books and watch cheesy movies. Maybe sit in a lawn chair in the yard, do a puzzle...something relaxing that doesn't require any real dedication. If I don't feel like continuing, I will stop and do something else. With scrapbooking and painting, I tend to force myself subconsciously to continue until I am finished, even if I don't finish what I've started until 4 AM. So I will stay away from that for a bit as well. 

I also want to get my internal clock set straight again. I've not been going to bed regularly at all. One night it will be at 1, another it will be at 4 AM, sometimes 5, just depending on how I'm feeling and if I can sleep. I'd like to be able to get to bed by 11 and wake up at 10 during the break, which is a huge step for me, since I am not at all a morning person and I could sleep in till...well...mid- to late afternoon unless I am in school or have to work. 

So if you know me personally, don't be at all offended or worried if I'm a bit anti-social or don't want to go out anywhere. My mind and body are just both exhausted and need some serious down time!!

- Elle-Belle

Every 15 Minutes

Well, tomorrow morning we will be filming Every 15 Minutes and I am feeling a mix between excitement, nervousness and fear of both freaking out and/or messing up. Since everything is happening in real time in front of the entire high school, there is no room what so ever for mistakes. I offered to take photographs instead of film, since there will be so many people filming at once. So that puts extra pressure on me, since I will be the only one taking photos. Mike and I will be filming/taking photos of the crash scene and the police officers pulling kids out of class. I honestly admit that the morgue, the hospital and the jail were all a bit too much for me, especially since all three will have dead/sick/dying and arrested people already occupying them. I can't deal with death very well, as I had previously posted a few weeks ago, since I never really had to confront it until recently. So naturally, instead of facing it, I am going to steer clear from it.

In case you aren't familiar with Every 15 Minutes, it is a drunk driving program directly aimed at high school students. It features a very realistic looking, graphic crash scene that takes place after a party, in which the driver/one of the drivers has been drinking. The drunk driver gets hauled off to jail, while the other passengers are sent directly to either the morgue or the hospital. It's a pretty big deal; the entire school watches while police officers, ETs and fire fighters do their job in real time. That's why I mentioned earlier that when filming, there is no room to mess up. You can't just go back and redo something - it all has to be shot in one take. We are about 15 people on the film crew. A few will be going to the hospital, one to the morgue, one to the jail, one will ride in the ambulance, one in the helicopter and one or two will be driving with the police to the homes of the parents to film the police telling the kids parents that their kids have died in a DWI crash. Two of us (me and my boyfriend) will be staying at the school to film police officers pulling kids out of classes and then announcing to their class that that kid just died in a DWI. They will be doing this every 15 minutes, as the name suggests.

Anyway, I am hoping that everything will come out okay, especially since I was having problems with my images coming out to grainy with my camera when I took pictures of the party scene today. I don't know if it's a setting I need to mess with or what it is, but if all of my pictures come out this way tomorrow, I'll be screwed. Well, I'd better attempt to get to bed, before I get so nervous that I can't sleep. Cross your fingers for us!

- Elle-Belle

Keegan

The second Peach's Neet Feet fighter I painted shoes for, Keegan, got his shoes today and his mother was kind enough to post some pictures :)
I got to see the smile I put on a child's face and it has made my terrible day turn into a good one. :) I love what I do!

http://www.facebook.com/KeeganBoy 

- Elle-Belle

Tyler's Neet Feet!

Tyler’s Neet Feet! :) I am finally putting up my paints for the night. I was hoping to deliver these shoes personally to this four-year-old fighter tomorrow at noon, but it probably won’t be until sometime next week. :/  Anyway, I am totally stoked anyway and it was so much fun to paint a pair for a girl! (I had a much easier time with this pair ;D) Can’t wait to see the look on her face when she gets these :)

- Elle-Belle

Just plain scared.

I can't sleep. At all. I know this may seem weird to most of you reading this, since most of you are most likely from the United States and have been exposed to this all your life. I really haven't had to deal with it this directly until now. I grew up in a very christian home most of my life, while living in a country where you could sleep on a park bench in the middle of the night in a bikini and not have to worry about anything happening to you. Okay, that might be a bit of an overstatement, but it is very close to the truth. I was very protected from some of the horrors that go on in this world. I NEVER feared walking around outside in the middle of the night or being stabbed or shot because I voiced my opinion to a stranger. Ever since I moved to the States, a huge wooden board with the words "REALITY CHECK" written in bold, red letters, smacked me right in the face. 

I never had to deal with death directly as a kid or teen. I never had to deal with DUIs/DWIs, shootings, rape, murder or anything of the sort. As far as sickness, I never had to deal with any family members being anything other than mentally ill, which was somewhat controllable, and not life-threatening. The first time I had to deal with death was in September of 2009, when a car took my friend's right of way while he was on a motorcycle, and hit him. It took his life a few days later. It was a hit and run. It hit me hard. He was an ex-boyfriend, but we still stayed good friends. We both had our own groups of friends, but we kept promising each other to get together and play guitar. I hate myself to this day, that I never kept my promise to teach him how to play Master of Puppets.

I thought that would be it for a while. My Grandparents were all in good health and I really had no worries. It was on New Year's Eve 2011 that it started again. My fiance's dog Sockie, who I absolutely adored, passed away very suddenly from an infection. I never grew up with any animals besides fish, which don't really count, so I became very attached to this dog and this one hit me pretty hard, especially since it was quite sudden. The next hit me about two months later, when I got an E-MAIL (yes, an e-mail), telling me that my grandfather had cancer. An e-mail. It was just a few weeks later, that I got on facebook before bed and saw my cousin's post that my grandpa had passed away. FACEBOOK. Since my parents are overseas and in a different time zone, they weren't able to inform me exactly when it happened. It broke my heart. 

A week later, we lost another dog. He ended up having to spend two full days in the Garage, covered with a blanket, because everything was closed for holidays and there was nothing we could do, which made it even harder to deal with.

Since then, mid February, I've had close friends lose parents. I keep seeing it all over the place. Working with Peach's Neet Feet, a non-profit organization that paints canvas shoes for kids with cancer and other illnesses and disabilities, I see pictures of sick, helpless little kids, who are too young to even understand what is happening with them. Do not get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE doing this. If there is anything at all I can do for these kids, it's to spend time doing what I love to put a smile on their faces. But man, it's rough to see. 

I've always been a people person. I was always the one person who would comfort an enemy if he or she were crying. I hate seeing people in pain and hurting, physically or emotionally. The faith and belief I grew up with until my early teens is so rocky, I don't know what to believe. I have lost almost all faith in God, who is supposed to be a father. What father wouldn't fix his kid's problems if he possibly could?! That, however, is a completely different story.

Now, my Cinematography class at the college I attend is filming "Every 15 Minutes." If you're not aware of what this is; the program is a drunk driving education program for high school juniors and seniors. A VERY realistic looking DUI crash is set up and two to three kids "die" at the scene of the crash and in the hospital. I'm talking fake blood, brain matter, bones sticking out, glass sticking out of eyes - just about as disturbing you can get. To me, anyway. I mean I can deal with horror movies and psycho thrillers, but man, this stuff is pretty scary looking. Especially since it all happens live and it's so well played out. I know it's not real, but it represents something that happens, as the name of the program suggests, every 15 minutes. And it happens to people who did NOTHING wrong.

Every 15 Minutes Pleasant Hill

Honestly, if I didn't have such fresh wounds from all the crap that's happened this year already, I'd find this project pretty exciting. But I am beginning to dread it. I can see blood. I've seen it, I've dealt with it. I've done as much as take control and help a friend who nearly bled to death from a dangerously deep cut. But this is really a lot. And even though it's fake, to me it's so real. And every time I see these videos, it's just a reminder of my friend dying in that crash and all the other deaths I've encountered just in the first few months of 2012. I don't know how to feel about this video shoot and I can honestly say that I have no clue how well I'm going to be able to deal with it emotionally.

I ask myself: with so many people with cancer and other unpreventable life-threatening illnesses, why can't those who are more fortunate use the brains they were provided with to prevent shit like this from happening?! Don't drink and drive! Get a designated driver! WALK for crying out loud! Call a taxi! If you could afford all that booze, you can at least pay for a damn taxi! Treat people the way you'd like to be treated! Don't treat your classmates like shit, because believe it or not, they might just decide to bring their dad's gun to school one day. Don't threaten people with weapons! If you want money, GO APPLY FOR A JOB! If you've been mistreated and can't deal with it, seek some help! Don't make someone else pay for your misery! I could rant all day! If people would just have the common decency to treat their neighbors with respect and use common sense once in a while, crime and death rates would drop DRASTICALLY. I know I am expecting too much and I need to shut up and keep my thoughts to myself. But the fact that expecting people not to put others in life-threatening situations is too much to ask anymore, scares the living hell out of me.

My feelings about this may, as I said earlier, seem strange and rather pathetic to most of you reading this. But I felt it needed to be said by someone who is not as familiar with this culture as she thought she was and MAYBE come across someone who shares these feelings with me.